Life is daunting already. There is so much pressure (especially on women) to be “perfect”. The perfect parent, employee, spouse, sex icon, fitness enthusiast, fashionista, the list goes on. Not only do we feel pressure to be perfect in ONE of these areas, we are pressured by social media and friends/family to be perfect in ALL of these areas. And it is daunting (can also use words like terrifying, overwhelming, frustrating, depressing, etc. synonymously here). Then we layer on top of that this wave of Social Media. Some of us subject ourselves willingly to the censure and judgement of other, and some do not. But EVEN IF you are not out there blogging and writing about your personal life, odds are you scan through your feed and think “OMG she’s perfect. Why can’t I be more like that?”.
My best friend constantly tells me “Her kids still throw up on her”, “She hasn’t eaten anything but lettuce in weeks”, “We can get tequila for that” in an attempt to help me remember that all these people on social media are human. They may curate their photos better than I do, they may be craftier than I am, they may be thinner/smarter/have better hair than I do, but they are all still regular people. It is unfair to YOU, if you are constantly comparing yourself to others. Don’t get me wrong, I am SUPER guilty of this as well, but what I’m trying to say is that we all need to make an effort to appreciate who we are as individuals and stop the comparison game.
A blogger I follow always posts her clothing sizes when she lists things and she’s a size 23-34. Really? That is approximately the size of one of my thighs. Now, I’m not hating on her. Good for you girl! Maybe she’s naturally thin or she works her butt off (literally) to wear that size. Either way – good for her. But for ME to wear a size 24 I would have to never eat again and give up my butt. Odds are, neither of those are happening any time soon. But there is a second, when I look at her shopping haul for the week, where I think “OMG she’s so thin. And I’m not.”
Why do we do that to ourselves?
Why not just say “She is so thin and fabulous and I love those shorts! I wonder if they have them in my size?”? Why do we instantly go into the comparison game?
So this is my call to action. Not only for you all but for myself. My goal of 2018 (after reading the power of habit book this month) is to maintain a positive self image. I’m starting with not saying “snarky” things about myself or my relationships out loud. Things like “I look huge” or “I guess she likes you better”. Instead focusing on the positive “my new reddish hair looks super fun” and “She was so happy to see me when I got home”. Step One is saying TRUE things out loud that are positive.
Step Two is changing the way I think. This step will ALWAYS be a challenge, but I (and my guess is many of you out there) need to work on thinking about the good instead of the bad. Being proud of someones craftiness, does not mean that I have to be disappointed in my own. I can appreciate the goodness in others, or parts or me, without focusing on the negative. I just need to decide to do it.
One last thing (in this otherwise really preachy and long blog post) – If you are an internet troll or the kind of person whose inner jerk is unleashed by the confidence you gather from your computer screen, give up. 1. Your horrible comments will not bring us down. 2. You’re only hurting yourself.
I am officially anti-hater. I am pro-people. I am pro-you. I am pro-me. Bring on the fabulousness of other people. I can handle it.